I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize