I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize
