Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
