and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
