she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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