Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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