Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
why is half of my head shaved?
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