First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I deserve this hangover.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
