someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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