I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
