I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
