New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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