If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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