i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
