I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
