last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
