Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
