How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
