is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
