everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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