Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
