I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
