What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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