These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
