So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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