I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
