So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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