I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She told me I should be a condom model.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
ok first of all what the fuck
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
