I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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