Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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