Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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