I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
please come you make the beer taste better
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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