he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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