my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
whose parrot is this?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
