I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize