im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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