He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your penis caused this!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
