Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
