am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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