between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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