I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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