some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
