How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
