Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
