Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
