smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
