She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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