Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
