I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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