I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
