chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The power of my boobs compel you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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