her vagine was all disorganized.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
