she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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