the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
