you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
