You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You are the jesus of drinking
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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