didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
