You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
