so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize