Your dad touched me again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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