Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
