So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
