It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize