I hope mine doesn't look like that
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
