I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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