you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
that is very illegal...i love you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
