i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
