Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In other news, I just burned my penis
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
